2.) Discipline

¹ My son, if you accept my words
and store up my commands within you,

² turning your ear to wisdom
and applying your heart to understanding,

³ and if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding,

⁴ and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure,

⁵ then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.

⁶ For the LORD gives wisdom,
and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

⁷ He holds victory in store for the upright,
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,

⁸ for he guards the course of the just
and protects the way of his faithful ones.

⁹ Then you will understand what is right and just
and fair—every good path.

Proverbs 2:1-9

but dang man... this kind of trust is hard to grasp...

1.) Priorities.

²⁵ "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? ²⁸And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, ²⁹yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. ³³But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:25-33

yep

Dear Spencer,

How 'bout you stop trying to spite people and do something that's good for you for once?
How 'bout you stop being so self-centered?
How 'bout you take some responsibility from now on?
How 'bout you make life worthwhile?
How 'bout you stop living inside of your brain?
How 'bout you cook something instead of desserts?
How 'bout you make use of that pretty guitar you have?
How 'bout you start practicing harmonica again?
How 'bout you clean up that mess of a room?
How 'bout you finish up your graduation thank you cards?
How 'bout you follow through when you commit to something?
How 'bout you get off your butt and fight the flab?
How 'bout you stop trying to impress?
How 'bout you quit the jealousy?
How 'bout you stop worrying about the future?
How 'bout you invest in other people's lives?
How 'bout you give back?
How 'bout you stand up?
How 'bout you defend?
How 'bout you accept confrontation?
How 'bout you stop getting annoyed?
How 'bout you appreciate life?
How 'bout you chip away the shell?
How 'bout you strive for dreams?
How 'bout you be a friend?
How 'bout you stop doubting intentions?
How 'bout you stop the self-deprecation?

How 'bout you focus less on the things you can't change?
How 'bout you make steps to change the things you can?

How 'bout you stop blogging?

Sincerely,
Spencer

Okay. :)

Summer.

Today was officially the first day of summer...
the first day of my extended summer break until I start school in late September...
just another sunny day in the whole grand scheme of things.

I've got a couple of things I want to accomplish in these upcoming months:

FOOD: I want to be a little more than somewhat useful in the kitchen... and at the good ol' grill. So far: burgers, turkey meatloaf, crepes, carrot cake, tomato basil onion bread, herb dinner rolls, buttermilk cinnamon rolls. To come: sourdough bread, pizza, white bread, pumpernickel, chicken?, edible chocolate pudding cups.

GOD: I'm aiming to get back into doing my QTs more regularly and more thoroughly than I have throughout this past year. And plus, I have tons of books that I want to/should read: Fresh Wind Fresh Fire, Crazy Love, Forgotten God, and a couple of worship team books.

POETRY: I don't really know why... but I kind of like it.

GTAR: This may very well be the summer when I actually get the guitar I've been wanting for some 2 years now. Maybe she'll finally be mine. Breedlove C25-CRH... sigh. And I really should get back into practicing my scales and my noobie sheet music reading.

HARMONICA: The thing barely weighs anything, it's small enough to fit in a pocket, and even so it has proven to be a great way to express the thoughts and emotions of whoever plays it. bluesy. soulful. awwwwrighttttt! I had a fun jam sesh today. like... REALLY fun. Me and some prerecorded jam tracks.

THEORY: I have no idea why music theory is so intriguing to me, but nonetheless I'm having a great time learning the more straightedge side of music. I'm pretty comfortable with diminished and augmented chords now, but I have yet to understand the practicality of knowing modes.

EXERCISE: I should probably get some of it.

I rearranged my desk furniture in my room so that I now have a little desk to my left.
Should the inspiration strike me, I have a notebook and a pencil right there waiting.
And while I'm sloppily jotting down ideas to songs that I never finish because they lack any kind of cohesion, I can look up and out my window and see the ocean. :)

buhbyebyebye.

-Spencer

Dear Spencer,

It's time to grow up.

tapestry.

i'm terrible at knitting. i used to know how to crochet. my sewing skills are subpar.

so i'd like to at least be able to lace together my words and sentences into coherent ideas. but i guess coherency isn't something i'm born for. if the expression of my thoughts manifested itself in scarf-form, it would be one incredibly sad excuse for neckwear. it would be a fashion statement. a laughable one.

because i'd never be able to make my own, i have recently begun to delve into the poems, lyrics, phrases, quotes of some of history's most influential thought-weavers. robert burns is one big cheese ball. all of the bronte sisters are emo queens. anne is my favorite. eliot's poems are slightly ridiculous, but his creativity is admirable. "dare i disturb the universe?" wordsworth fails to draw my interest. poe is creepy. and he's so good at it. david has a certain mastery over the vicarious. his thoughts go to words, his words tug at the reader.

quality writing didn't end that far in the past, however. (is there hope for me?) the shadow proves the sunshine. all that's in my head is in your hands. these magnet hearts, they can't be kept apart. you make beautiful things out of the dust. Cause I want someone to share my smile, to share the pain, to be there when the sea turns gray.

i'd feel much better about getting a 914ce or that pretty breedlove i've been eyeing if stuff like the above spewed from both my mouth and my pencil tip. feel free to soak in that imagery. don't feel obligated to thank me. :)

some kind of emotional outlet would certainly be nice. my conversation is hindered by my s-st-stutters and the critical lack of that one string that holds coherent thought together. someone probably stole that string to fix my shambly thought-scarves. if not through words, i'd appreciate the ability to speak through majors and minors and modulations and funky intervals.

and i'm not even kidding. i hope it's not just me, but there's something really satisfying about playing some really assertive metal guitar chords. and then on the other side of things, you can always put on the jakeshimabukuro face and sway to some of your own beautiful fingerpicking. or you can pull a shaneandshane and make your right hand invisible for periods of time while you quintuple strum. (i'm pretty sure they had to write a couple new laws of physics cos of that dude...)

creativity is the ability to manifest the very essence of your being into a number of forms: written word... art... sculpture... musical composition... things we say... hobbies.
it is the ability (or lack thereof) to fashion a makeshift bridge, constructed with the above media, to span the immense chasm from the grey matter to the skull to the scalp to the hair to the outside. i'm not saying necessarily that i believe my words and thoughts are important, but i seek better bridge-building as a means of deflating balloons, or poking holes in pie crust, or resolving chords... counteracting measures against a constantly multiplying and expanding chaos in the noggin.

i really have no idea what prompted this blog.

maybe i like knitting?

or maybe i'm just bored...

or tired of doing homework...


buhbyebyebye.
-Spencer :D

...

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry you're so lonely. I'll be back soon.

-Spencer

and you're just not enough.

i was reading the newspaper this morning and i came across pictures of a recent academic decathlon competition. one photo showed the first place team rejoicing, and the other showed the second place team deep in sadness. one girl on the losing team was photographed as she walked off the stage in tears. around her neck had to be about 7 medals from other events. and although i can definitely sympathize with her, that photo reminded me of something...

even though God blesses us with so much (whether that's financially, or in school, or in sports, or in music, etc), too often those blessings just aren't enough for us. how insatiable is our selfishness?

something else i've been thinking about... there are so many things that i would prefer to be different in my life. personality. circumstances. ability. gifts. and along with the conviction that nothing in my life is the way it truly should be, i'm telling God what to do (which means i'm telling Him that i know so much more than He ever will). and what that means is that i see my ideal life as better than the life He's given me.

it's too easy to see the bad things in our lives. i'm fairly convinced that that's because we expect things to go well and to go just as we plan them to. when they do work out, everything's fine. but when they don't, something's DEFINITELY gotta change. but along with all the bad things that come along with whichever situation God has so wisely placed you in, we need to see all the benefits as well.

for example, usually when i play football with my friends, i'll catch myself wishing i was more athletically coordinated so i could play without embarrassing myself. but who can tell what kinds of things God's protecting me from by giving me fingers of butter? who's to say that i wouldn't start sleeping with footballs in my arms? who's to say that i'd be so much better off if God made me a different way?

if i can so freely ask God, "WHY?!"
i should at least be able to appreciate a "WHY NOT?"

Isaiah 55:8-9

⁸ "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

⁹ "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I'm so glad that SOMEONE here knows what's best for me.

:D

-spencer-

i don't need you.

i don't need acceptance from colleges when i've got the best kind of acceptance there is. :)

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. ⁴For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— ⁶to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. ⁷In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace ⁸that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. ⁹And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, ¹⁰to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

:D

-spencer-

sharing is caring.

so... lately i've been doing an awful lot of thinking/talking/reading/experiencing things about sharing. just as a personal sentiment, i tend to shy away from laying my problems on other people. i usually keep my successes to myself because i don't like making a huge deal out of things. but when we share honestly and openly (when you get past the "how are you today?" "fine." kinds of dialogue) there's a lot to be gained. you can encourage others who are hurting, you can receive encouragement. you can celebrate with friends who are proud of your accomplishments. you can help someone understand you a little bit more.

but someone smart brought this point to mind, that all of those benefits to sharing are essentially focused on us. we share, we benefit. we listen, we benefit. especially when sharing about successes, you (I) have to realize that you're not JUST sharing about yourself. it's GOD who's strengthening and empowering us to be able to do great things in His name.

that being said, i'm going to try to finish a couple of my unposted blog drafts eventually. :)

sharing is caring.

-spencer-

praising Him for...

unexpected blessings and other appreciated surprises. :)

woah. and woah. and woah.

Now that I actually have a substantial amount of written pages in my journal, I decided to take a little time yesterday and today just reading through old entries, seeing how messy my handwriting gets when I'm fighting off sleep, remembering how silly some of the things I wrote down seem in retrospect, and getting a tiny glimpse of how God's been working in my life.



I was quite amazed with what I saw. According to an entry I wrote just about a month and a half ago, I finally started getting annoyed with my procrastination. I wrote down a short list of all the things I've been missing because I so easily trivialize the things God's given me. Daily blessings and loving faithfulness turned into things I expected and deserved in my own eyes. I read that list today. (check out the previous post). Every single one of the things I wrote down has been turning around for the better. (e.g. I have more time than ever to QT).

It's pretty fantastic.

But I don't think that needs to be said.

:D

-spencer-

irony irony

I've had more fun in the past two weeks than I've had in a while.
I would call Starbucks my third home, but SOMEONE won't let me. Even so, I've been blessed with a lot of time to get to know people I normally don't see/talk to a whole lot.
On top of that, I've finished all of my homework so far, studied for every test, and I've even had time to work ahead. It's so gratifying to come home after studying all day and have nothing else to do for school until bedtime rolls around.
At the same time, I've had more time to QT and read a bunch of really interesting books. I've had so much time to just read, write, and think... and I'm getting a lot better at those three. :)

I don't what God's plan is out of all of this and I certainly don't understand how 4 hours at a library can still allow me enough time to do all the things I love, but I know that I'm liking things so far. But this kind of conditional appreciation is not the way I want to see God. It can't be the way I look at all the things He does in the world around us.

I'm looking forward to 4 days without internet (gasp!), calculus homework, laptops, V-day drama (fingers crossed), and libraries with terrible A/C and overly comfy-cushy chairs.

4 days to soak in some beautiful scenery
and freeze just a tad in this nice weather.

4 days to focus.
To focus hard.

:D

-spencer-

coolness, baby, yeah.

The WeatherBug Weather Tracker that sits conveniently in the corner of my Firefox window shows three tiny grey clouds with rain and lighting shooting out of it.

In my mind I knew my mindset should have been one aiming to glorify God alone, and even to me, my exterior looked like it emanated the drive to that goal. I think it was just apathy. God saw me in my funk and grogginess and decided to give me my favorite type of weather today. and lots of it. :)

All those clouds, the flashes of lighting, the percussive thunder exploding afterward, and the ridiculous amount of rain that pelted down on all of us really reminded me that God is ultimately in control.

It was a mighty fine reminder.

It's about time to get back to work. The big-fat-naggy-lazy-procrastinating-apathetic-tired-bored part of me doesn't really want to keep going. Ideally, I know what I should do. Sometimes I don't think I'm capable.

And then I was reminded of one of my favorite passages. :)

¹⁰Then Moses said to the LORD, "Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue."

¹¹The LORD said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?

¹²"Now then go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say." (Exodus4.10-12)

I think all of us can take that "slow of speech" and "slow of tongue" and insert our own shortcomings. God is bigger than all of those.

So when I start complaining about time or abilities wasted, or wishing for time and abilities I don't have, I'm reminded that it's God who made this brain (and these feet/hands/eyes) fearfully and wonderfully.

Thanks for:
-rain
-sunny days
-vocal harmonies/high action
-powerful, heartfelt lyrics
-the noggin
-the chance to learn the intricacies of Your creation.

:D

-spencer-

junkjunkjunk

i just finished packing up all my guitar stuff to study for finals...
-hiding pick case
-stowed cables
-unplugged effects pedal
-locked acoustic case
-zipped electric gig bag
-wept for a little bit
-not really.

and i just had this random thought...

As difficult as this is for me to do,
isn't it such a shame that I'm still able to cut out
the things that distract me from my studies
and still be either unaware or unwilling
to snip away the parts of my life
that distract me
from
God?

-spencer-

realistically, finals aren't really an end to anything.

Do Not Worry

²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34

i really like this passage. :)
my natural response to most things is internalizing all of my thoughts and essentially just running through scenario after scenario of things i either could have said/done better or those that are upcoming. but all that brain gunk does no one any good.

sometimes it seems like we all tend to exaggerate the weight of certain situations.
but no one's going to die if they fail a final.
the sun isn't going to crash into the earth if you forget an assignment.
bad grades don't mean that God's love for you has reached an end.
and yet it's so easy for us to act like all of that is inevitable.

We need to take some time in the next couple weeks and be a breath of fresh air to all of our stressed out friends. be a strong support when they need it, and be encouraging. :)
avoid getting sucked into that cyclone of pointless worrying. put everything in God's hands. take a couple of minutes every once in a while to remind ourselves that even as things might not be going our way with projects due every day and finals swiftly approaching, God still loves you. and He loves each one of the other high-anxiety kids on campus. take some time to get out of your head, away from the "what if I this"s and "what if I that"s and share some of that Great Love. :)

praying for you, amigos.

:D

-spencer-

very important hippos.

like the hypocrite i usually am, i'm going to take this very beautiful Jan. 1st sunset moment to clack out some resolutions. this time they're not on any pass/fail basis. i'm doing em because they're good. :)

-daily QTs. because God knows that I have the time for Him. I'm just not making the smart decision to make it for Him.
-daily journals. because i forget like crazy and if i don't write things down, the rollercoasters in my head are going to throttle me all over the place. and i'd really like to see how God uses my insecurities/failures/hungers/losses for Himself.
-sometimes daily guitar practice and phys. exercise. because if i say that it's completely daily, i'm going to spend all my time on one or the other and quit when i get bored/sore. and these aren't as big as resolution no. 1. this one's about taking care of the talents/abilities God's given.
-responsibility. period. because i've probably wasted cumulative months on stupid things that barely deserve minutes of the countless milliseconds with which God has so far graciously blessed me with. and because finishing homework to me means honoring parents, not throwing away blessings, investment in the future, and more time to make and build lasting relationships. (because all these online shenanigans are just a tad bit too impersonal for my complete liking. :D )
-big eyes. no asian jokes intended. i've spent too much of my 2009 and the years before that looking only at the things placed within the 5 inch (?) span between my eyes. i look down because i personally "need" to know why and how each step will take me where and when. i need to realize that there is a HUGE portion of the plan that i (however much i may want to) cannot, nor will ever be able to, see for its full worth. trusting in God means really trusting in God. none of this, "just give me the who/what/where/when/why/how details, and then i'll put my faith in you."

yay!
happy twenty ten!
yay for seniors!
yay for everyone else!
BIG yay for another year to do the right things!

:D:D:D

-spencer-

i'm not crazy.
i promise.
hippo-critical?
important hippos...
nevermind.
back to apps. :)