and you're just not enough.

i was reading the newspaper this morning and i came across pictures of a recent academic decathlon competition. one photo showed the first place team rejoicing, and the other showed the second place team deep in sadness. one girl on the losing team was photographed as she walked off the stage in tears. around her neck had to be about 7 medals from other events. and although i can definitely sympathize with her, that photo reminded me of something...

even though God blesses us with so much (whether that's financially, or in school, or in sports, or in music, etc), too often those blessings just aren't enough for us. how insatiable is our selfishness?

something else i've been thinking about... there are so many things that i would prefer to be different in my life. personality. circumstances. ability. gifts. and along with the conviction that nothing in my life is the way it truly should be, i'm telling God what to do (which means i'm telling Him that i know so much more than He ever will). and what that means is that i see my ideal life as better than the life He's given me.

it's too easy to see the bad things in our lives. i'm fairly convinced that that's because we expect things to go well and to go just as we plan them to. when they do work out, everything's fine. but when they don't, something's DEFINITELY gotta change. but along with all the bad things that come along with whichever situation God has so wisely placed you in, we need to see all the benefits as well.

for example, usually when i play football with my friends, i'll catch myself wishing i was more athletically coordinated so i could play without embarrassing myself. but who can tell what kinds of things God's protecting me from by giving me fingers of butter? who's to say that i wouldn't start sleeping with footballs in my arms? who's to say that i'd be so much better off if God made me a different way?

if i can so freely ask God, "WHY?!"
i should at least be able to appreciate a "WHY NOT?"

Isaiah 55:8-9

⁸ "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

⁹ "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I'm so glad that SOMEONE here knows what's best for me.

:D

-spencer-

i don't need you.

i don't need acceptance from colleges when i've got the best kind of acceptance there is. :)

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. ⁴For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— ⁶to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. ⁷In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace ⁸that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. ⁹And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, ¹⁰to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

:D

-spencer-

sharing is caring.

so... lately i've been doing an awful lot of thinking/talking/reading/experiencing things about sharing. just as a personal sentiment, i tend to shy away from laying my problems on other people. i usually keep my successes to myself because i don't like making a huge deal out of things. but when we share honestly and openly (when you get past the "how are you today?" "fine." kinds of dialogue) there's a lot to be gained. you can encourage others who are hurting, you can receive encouragement. you can celebrate with friends who are proud of your accomplishments. you can help someone understand you a little bit more.

but someone smart brought this point to mind, that all of those benefits to sharing are essentially focused on us. we share, we benefit. we listen, we benefit. especially when sharing about successes, you (I) have to realize that you're not JUST sharing about yourself. it's GOD who's strengthening and empowering us to be able to do great things in His name.

that being said, i'm going to try to finish a couple of my unposted blog drafts eventually. :)

sharing is caring.

-spencer-

praising Him for...

unexpected blessings and other appreciated surprises. :)

woah. and woah. and woah.

Now that I actually have a substantial amount of written pages in my journal, I decided to take a little time yesterday and today just reading through old entries, seeing how messy my handwriting gets when I'm fighting off sleep, remembering how silly some of the things I wrote down seem in retrospect, and getting a tiny glimpse of how God's been working in my life.



I was quite amazed with what I saw. According to an entry I wrote just about a month and a half ago, I finally started getting annoyed with my procrastination. I wrote down a short list of all the things I've been missing because I so easily trivialize the things God's given me. Daily blessings and loving faithfulness turned into things I expected and deserved in my own eyes. I read that list today. (check out the previous post). Every single one of the things I wrote down has been turning around for the better. (e.g. I have more time than ever to QT).

It's pretty fantastic.

But I don't think that needs to be said.

:D

-spencer-

irony irony

I've had more fun in the past two weeks than I've had in a while.
I would call Starbucks my third home, but SOMEONE won't let me. Even so, I've been blessed with a lot of time to get to know people I normally don't see/talk to a whole lot.
On top of that, I've finished all of my homework so far, studied for every test, and I've even had time to work ahead. It's so gratifying to come home after studying all day and have nothing else to do for school until bedtime rolls around.
At the same time, I've had more time to QT and read a bunch of really interesting books. I've had so much time to just read, write, and think... and I'm getting a lot better at those three. :)

I don't what God's plan is out of all of this and I certainly don't understand how 4 hours at a library can still allow me enough time to do all the things I love, but I know that I'm liking things so far. But this kind of conditional appreciation is not the way I want to see God. It can't be the way I look at all the things He does in the world around us.

I'm looking forward to 4 days without internet (gasp!), calculus homework, laptops, V-day drama (fingers crossed), and libraries with terrible A/C and overly comfy-cushy chairs.

4 days to soak in some beautiful scenery
and freeze just a tad in this nice weather.

4 days to focus.
To focus hard.

:D

-spencer-

coolness, baby, yeah.

The WeatherBug Weather Tracker that sits conveniently in the corner of my Firefox window shows three tiny grey clouds with rain and lighting shooting out of it.

In my mind I knew my mindset should have been one aiming to glorify God alone, and even to me, my exterior looked like it emanated the drive to that goal. I think it was just apathy. God saw me in my funk and grogginess and decided to give me my favorite type of weather today. and lots of it. :)

All those clouds, the flashes of lighting, the percussive thunder exploding afterward, and the ridiculous amount of rain that pelted down on all of us really reminded me that God is ultimately in control.

It was a mighty fine reminder.

It's about time to get back to work. The big-fat-naggy-lazy-procrastinating-apathetic-tired-bored part of me doesn't really want to keep going. Ideally, I know what I should do. Sometimes I don't think I'm capable.

And then I was reminded of one of my favorite passages. :)

¹⁰Then Moses said to the LORD, "Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue."

¹¹The LORD said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?

¹²"Now then go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say." (Exodus4.10-12)

I think all of us can take that "slow of speech" and "slow of tongue" and insert our own shortcomings. God is bigger than all of those.

So when I start complaining about time or abilities wasted, or wishing for time and abilities I don't have, I'm reminded that it's God who made this brain (and these feet/hands/eyes) fearfully and wonderfully.

Thanks for:
-rain
-sunny days
-vocal harmonies/high action
-powerful, heartfelt lyrics
-the noggin
-the chance to learn the intricacies of Your creation.

:D

-spencer-