two decades.

Journaled this 5 hours before my birthday and I liked it (at least I did at the time)

If I had a camera, I'd freeze this moment in time.
I'd take the brilliant puffs of cloud and
I'd take the setting sun.
I'd take the worn-red of the buildings on campus.
I'd take the residence halls I see in the distance.
I'd take in all the images I see with my spectacled eyes.

Two children, and their mother and father, play on the hill. They roll and trip and stumble and run in a kind of haphazard pursuit of those with all the hope for the future, yet no true knowledge of what is to come. They giggle and laugh and make faces at their mother holding the camera, capturing the moments. The father watches over it all, a contented smile on his face as he watches the joy of his two young boys. His mind wanders to days when he would run, stumble, trip, and roll without a care in the world. Grass stains were trophies, as were mud-caked sneakers. Scraped palms were the signs of a job well done and a day spent well.

I sometimes wish days were like photographs, capturable in a single click of a button and able to be revisited with increasing frequency as the memories grow pale. I could look at photos of joyous time and simply by omission (or would you call it ignorance?) create an entirely new perception of my life, one filled with smiles and hugs and the cute girls that once tugged at the inner workings of my heart. I'd remember only the people I love to love, and even those who love me. I'd remember the birthdays spent with friends and not the quiet ones spent alone. I'd forget all the pains, and maybe then these hidden scars would finally heal.

But I don't believe God works just in the joyous times in my life. I am reminded that He is not only present, but also working, in the darker times and if this journal is about helping me to process past events and remember how God has indeed been working in my life for these nearly twenty years, it would be foolish to create in my own mind the impression of an ideal life as one composed of only snapshots of the happiest times.

"The Lord has promised good to me. His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures."

-Spencer