two decades.

Journaled this 5 hours before my birthday and I liked it (at least I did at the time)

If I had a camera, I'd freeze this moment in time.
I'd take the brilliant puffs of cloud and
I'd take the setting sun.
I'd take the worn-red of the buildings on campus.
I'd take the residence halls I see in the distance.
I'd take in all the images I see with my spectacled eyes.

Two children, and their mother and father, play on the hill. They roll and trip and stumble and run in a kind of haphazard pursuit of those with all the hope for the future, yet no true knowledge of what is to come. They giggle and laugh and make faces at their mother holding the camera, capturing the moments. The father watches over it all, a contented smile on his face as he watches the joy of his two young boys. His mind wanders to days when he would run, stumble, trip, and roll without a care in the world. Grass stains were trophies, as were mud-caked sneakers. Scraped palms were the signs of a job well done and a day spent well.

I sometimes wish days were like photographs, capturable in a single click of a button and able to be revisited with increasing frequency as the memories grow pale. I could look at photos of joyous time and simply by omission (or would you call it ignorance?) create an entirely new perception of my life, one filled with smiles and hugs and the cute girls that once tugged at the inner workings of my heart. I'd remember only the people I love to love, and even those who love me. I'd remember the birthdays spent with friends and not the quiet ones spent alone. I'd forget all the pains, and maybe then these hidden scars would finally heal.

But I don't believe God works just in the joyous times in my life. I am reminded that He is not only present, but also working, in the darker times and if this journal is about helping me to process past events and remember how God has indeed been working in my life for these nearly twenty years, it would be foolish to create in my own mind the impression of an ideal life as one composed of only snapshots of the happiest times.

"The Lord has promised good to me. His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures."

-Spencer

Reminiscence

I figured it would be fitting to conclude my months-long blogspot hiatus with a cliched account of all the things God has done in my life this past year. But I've been learning this year that what I deem fitting isn't often so. So I'll settle for typing out a list of blessings. I figure it would be less intimidating to finish.

I praise God for:
-the mystery and intricacies of music, how it can be so simple to grasp at times and yet so confusing and nebulous at others
-growing love for this campus and the people around me
-deepening relationships
-confidence in stepping out of my comfort zone
-affirmations (gospel choir and acappella callback and IVBCF worship team)
-guidance in life
-kitchens
-rosemary bushes outside of Powell
-time to change

it's been a long time, but i think i'm finally on my way back home.











i think i'm finally on my way back home, but it's been a long time...

2.) Discipline

¹ My son, if you accept my words
and store up my commands within you,

² turning your ear to wisdom
and applying your heart to understanding,

³ and if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding,

⁴ and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure,

⁵ then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.

⁶ For the LORD gives wisdom,
and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

⁷ He holds victory in store for the upright,
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,

⁸ for he guards the course of the just
and protects the way of his faithful ones.

⁹ Then you will understand what is right and just
and fair—every good path.

Proverbs 2:1-9

but dang man... this kind of trust is hard to grasp...

1.) Priorities.

²⁵ "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? ²⁸And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, ²⁹yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. ³³But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:25-33

yep

Dear Spencer,

How 'bout you stop trying to spite people and do something that's good for you for once?
How 'bout you stop being so self-centered?
How 'bout you take some responsibility from now on?
How 'bout you make life worthwhile?
How 'bout you stop living inside of your brain?
How 'bout you cook something instead of desserts?
How 'bout you make use of that pretty guitar you have?
How 'bout you start practicing harmonica again?
How 'bout you clean up that mess of a room?
How 'bout you finish up your graduation thank you cards?
How 'bout you follow through when you commit to something?
How 'bout you get off your butt and fight the flab?
How 'bout you stop trying to impress?
How 'bout you quit the jealousy?
How 'bout you stop worrying about the future?
How 'bout you invest in other people's lives?
How 'bout you give back?
How 'bout you stand up?
How 'bout you defend?
How 'bout you accept confrontation?
How 'bout you stop getting annoyed?
How 'bout you appreciate life?
How 'bout you chip away the shell?
How 'bout you strive for dreams?
How 'bout you be a friend?
How 'bout you stop doubting intentions?
How 'bout you stop the self-deprecation?

How 'bout you focus less on the things you can't change?
How 'bout you make steps to change the things you can?

How 'bout you stop blogging?

Sincerely,
Spencer

Okay. :)

Summer.

Today was officially the first day of summer...
the first day of my extended summer break until I start school in late September...
just another sunny day in the whole grand scheme of things.

I've got a couple of things I want to accomplish in these upcoming months:

FOOD: I want to be a little more than somewhat useful in the kitchen... and at the good ol' grill. So far: burgers, turkey meatloaf, crepes, carrot cake, tomato basil onion bread, herb dinner rolls, buttermilk cinnamon rolls. To come: sourdough bread, pizza, white bread, pumpernickel, chicken?, edible chocolate pudding cups.

GOD: I'm aiming to get back into doing my QTs more regularly and more thoroughly than I have throughout this past year. And plus, I have tons of books that I want to/should read: Fresh Wind Fresh Fire, Crazy Love, Forgotten God, and a couple of worship team books.

POETRY: I don't really know why... but I kind of like it.

GTAR: This may very well be the summer when I actually get the guitar I've been wanting for some 2 years now. Maybe she'll finally be mine. Breedlove C25-CRH... sigh. And I really should get back into practicing my scales and my noobie sheet music reading.

HARMONICA: The thing barely weighs anything, it's small enough to fit in a pocket, and even so it has proven to be a great way to express the thoughts and emotions of whoever plays it. bluesy. soulful. awwwwrighttttt! I had a fun jam sesh today. like... REALLY fun. Me and some prerecorded jam tracks.

THEORY: I have no idea why music theory is so intriguing to me, but nonetheless I'm having a great time learning the more straightedge side of music. I'm pretty comfortable with diminished and augmented chords now, but I have yet to understand the practicality of knowing modes.

EXERCISE: I should probably get some of it.

I rearranged my desk furniture in my room so that I now have a little desk to my left.
Should the inspiration strike me, I have a notebook and a pencil right there waiting.
And while I'm sloppily jotting down ideas to songs that I never finish because they lack any kind of cohesion, I can look up and out my window and see the ocean. :)

buhbyebyebye.

-Spencer